Feet On the Ground

I never get taken out on dates, so I am quite unfamiliar with the concept of chivalry when it comes to paying. However, it seems that lately even just my friends have been fond of paying for me when we go out to do things. It’s kind of awkward for me, really, because I feel as if I can do absolutely nothing for them in return. Not that I mind someone trying to take care of me- it’s really quite nice. However, I just feel indebted to them somehow. They say that it’s just because they love me and they want to do it, but I still feel suspicious. Certainly people aren’t just attracted to me because of my sweet, gentle nature?

*snicker*

Anyway, this awkwardness happens to me spiritually too. Whenever I do something wrong, I feel that I must wallow in guilt and shame for a certain amount of time until I feel better. It’s my own weird version of Catholicism. AHH! But it’s so strange how we can’t accept a gift unless we think we deserve it. How conceited are we, really? We calculate how much we’re worth and sometimes we factor in the status of the gift-giver as well- how close we are to them and how much extra we think that they have to set aside to spend on us and that equation leads to the amount of protesting that we will do before we give in and take the gift. That’s absolutely dreadful, isn’t it? Even if we don’t mean to do it, we still do.

I’m once again finding myself challenged in my view of God and what He does for me. But really, He is the type of date that will pay every time, and never let us chip in, even once. It’s silly for us to even try, because our best efforts will amount to absolutely nothing compared to what He has already done for us and will continue to do. The most amusing part is that sometimes He lets us try until we realize how futile our efforts are. I wonder how many times He has *facepalm*ed over me.