*grunt*
*rolls over*
*sigh*
*rolls back over*
*picks up phone to check the time*
“OMG!”
Yeah. We’ve all done it. And on a Sunday morning, when I swear I was going to make it to the 9 AM service, it feels even worse to wake up closer to, well, 10. Especially since I’ve missed the 9 AM service for weeks in a row. By the time Sunday morning rolls around and I’ve just worked 30 hours in 3 days, nothing is getting me out of bed very early. I feel bad once I get there and realize that everyone else has gone through these songs once already at 11, but I just can’t seem to help it.
Then I managed to lose track of time as I was getting ready. Not to mention dump an entire container of navy powder eyeshadow on my dresser. So I showed up looking fabulous, but walked in right as the countdown was at 22 seconds for the service. Because, of course, the parking lot was full.
(Note to self: getting there at 8:45 ensures a prime parking spot.)
I could have rushed to get out my trumpet and dashed up onstage halfway into the first song while everyone was rocking out, but that would have been fitting the exact theme of my life lately. Rushing and not meeting my goals. Disappointing myself and others. So instead of trying to meet an impossible goal and get onstage in 22 seconds, I changed the goal. I decided to enjoy the service. I hugged the greeters and found a seat. Admired the lights around the stage. Soaked in the atmosphere. Marveled about how loud the music really was…and how amazing it sounded. Watched my good friend walk up the aisle and sit alone in front of me and followed to plop my stuff down in the chair beside her.
I was rewarded with a welcoming hug and a friendly smile, a question about why I wasn’t playing, and a giggle when she admitted that she always oversleeps too. I was able to sing the lyrics, lift my hands, and let the presence of God actually energize me for once.
Usually I’m onstage with a bunch of dudes. Standing in 4 inch heels. Feeling my arm muscles quiver as I try to hold my trumpet up for 45 minutes. Breaking into a sweat from the hot lights that are trying to blind me. Fiddling with the mix coming through my earbuds as some band members play too loud. Trying to worship God but often failing because I think of how uncomfortable and tired I am and we haven’t even made it through the 2nd reprise because gospel songs never end.
This morning I was just an observer. Allowing God to draw me in and remind me exactly why I’m alive and how much He loves me.
On a day where we celebrate love, He gave me a break and let me feel nothing else.
It was awesome.
I know just how you feel. I’m always very active in the music during our church services as well, and on the Sundays over Christmas when I was at home and going to my old church and I just got to be a member of the congregation, it was a much-needed little break and a chance to just soak in the music and the service.
And, wow, that was a really long run-on sentence. My apologies.
But I’m glad you got to enjoy the service today and are feeling refreshed because of it!
wow girl, you’re so insightful for things. God was telling you you needed a break and to simply enjoy his beauty for a moment. If we don’t do that, life isn’t worth living,