Christians get promise hungry.
We want prophecies and confirmations and signs and to “feel led” to do something. It’s an almost crippling effect of growing up in a charismatically-oriented family or church setting. We believe for the big things but we need a push.
I always want another sign. Just one more, and I’ll go for it. Then I get my promise and I’m omg so excited!!!1one until it grows stale and I want another one. I keep rolling the dice and am never content with where I land.
I will go before you and level the exalted places, I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut through the bars of iron, I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name. – Isaiah 45:2-3
And then I read a promise like this, that covers everything that I will ever do.
There’s free will and there’s sovereignty, and there are things that cover both. Like this. I’m choosing to apply for law school. I feel like it’s a good move right now and I feel like I have been blessed through it so far. However, I don’t feel like it’s the one big calling on my life. God told me a few years ago that I was supposed to be a writer. I don’t know how many times I’ve said since then, “What am I supposed to do?!” Each time, He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and folds His arms. He says nothing and yet I hear it again, as clearly as possible.
I want you to be a writer.
But….there’s no money in that. It’s impossible to break into the industry. I could see myself being an editor or working somehow in the industry itself but…a writer…that’s like, the person who creates stuff.
I want to be important, but I don’t think I can be the star. I’ll do the work behind the scenes, but with the glory comes pressure to keep performing and to outdo your personal best. It’s a constant, neverending challenge and I try to avoid it at all costs and by any means necessary.
No more.
I can’t afford it.
Especially when I have been completely assured that my path is prepared for me. How can I lose?
