I was pretty unfortunate looking in high school and the beginning of college.
I wasn’t hideous or anything, but my awkward stage lasted a lot longer than it could have. I didn’t have confidence. I had glasses and bangs. I’ve worn makeup nearly every day since I was in middle school and I’ve always dressed decently, but I was always a bit off somehow, and wasn’t really noticed.
So it comes as no surprise when I stopped in at church the other day and a girl there said, “You look like such a different person with straight hair and makeup.” No surprise because this girl has zero social grace and because, yeah, there’s some truth to it. The thing is, I’ve always worn makeup around her and sometimes I still wear my hair curly. It just looks better now than it did a few years ago. She tried to present it as a compliment with a hidden insult. It was probably obvious to everyone around.
I could have pointed out that she doesn’t wear eyeliner or mascara and really should. Or that she used to have super permed curly hair herself that looked absolutely awful on her. I smiled and said something to deflect the insult as much as possible when I wanted to retort. I have never been mean to this girl, but that didn’t matter. She didn’t need a reason.
I don’t really like her, but I gave her grace.
Then the very next day, I said something mean to someone I really care about. I know they care about me. They said something a little mean, hitting a sore spot that they know is a sore spot. So I fired back as hard as I could. It was nearly instantaneous, and I really hurt them.
I gave grace to someone who didn’t deserve it at all.
I retaliated against the person who, by all accounts, has been wonderful to me for the duration of our friendship and should have earned unlimited do-overs, undos, and freebies.
And they received no grace.
I feel awful about it.
What if Jesus revoked grace right when I needed it most? When I committed a sin that would be the equivalent of sticking gum under a desk rather than throwing it in the garbage? What if He suddenly got really angry about that whole cross debacle and snapped? Tore up the contract and threw me in chains?
But He won’t.
We’re at His mercy, but He is good. Always good.
I’m not.
I can only hope that I receive grace when I don’t deserve it from the person I refused it. And that I learn to keep my mouth shut and give grace abundantly.
If your friend is as deserving of grace as you seem to believe, then I imagine he’ll accept an apology. It means a lot that you cared enough to think it over and come back to say the words, “I’m sorry.” And don’t beat yourself up over it, whatever it was.. you’re only human!
love the openness and honesty . . . when people offend or hurt us it is a tough thing . . . I have to resist the urge to get them back somehow – but the truth is no one is deserving of grace and we are to give it to everyone – as God does to us. God gives us what we don’t deserve – it isn’t about deserving it is about loving others as God loves us – freely.
and when we offend others – others may not give us grace but God does because in Christ sacrifice covers everything everytime – and it is He who has the final judgment.
Rachel