Feet On the Ground

Have you ever seen someone wandering around in Crocs? Unless you are a child under the age of 8, you should not be permitted to wear them. They are even uglier than gladiator sandals, and that’s saying something. I do not understand how a self-respecting person can wear them out of their house knowing that they will see other human beings.

I’ve heard people rave over how comfortable Crocs are. Well, guess what. You still look like an idiot. You are receiving the respect of absolutely no one. Perhaps you’re rolling your eyes at this point, but shoes seriously make a statement, I’m telling you. Very srs bsnss. Crocs are making the statement that you care not one whit about how you appear and that you have slovenly ways. I would not entrust an important task to someone wearing Crocs. They give off an air of laziness and make me believe that you are a person that does not care about having a job well done- just about making things easy for yourself. Crocs might be comfortable, but that doesn’t mean you should wear them.

That’s just how life is, though. I understand completely. I love to be comfortable. I want to be surrounded by familiar things and do stuff the way I want. I like a plan and I like for things to work out exactly the way I want them. Being spontaneous is fun sometimes, but only if it doesn’t interfere with something. Don’t mess up my plan and no one will get hurt.

God never listens to me. If I had my druthers, I’d probably end up never doing anything very exciting because I wouldn’t get out of my comfortable routine. Then I’d wonder why my life was boring. Fortunately, He is relentless and generally annoying about this topic, and won’t let me get too comfortable before I’m shuttled off to something else that is entirely scary and overwhelming and exciting. It freaks me out and I complain and dig in my heels- but at least I’m wearing good heels, and not Crocs.

Standing up for yourself sucks. Even if it gets to the point where you’ve been so victimized or mistreated that you can’t stand it any longer and you feel that you have to take some sort of action, it’s still not an enjoyable enterprise. Honestly, it’s really not that useful anyway. If you have to defend yourself to someone who has decided that you’re not worth their respect, they are unlikely to change their minds about you. It’s true that they may no longer see you as a puny doormat of a person that they can stomp all over, but you’re unlikely to be categorized any higher as a yappy poodle in their minds.

I had to stand up for myself yesterday. I’m quite certain that the person rolled their eyes at me, at least internally, and discounted all of my words as the ranting of an emotional female. I’m far from a feminist, but I think that each person deserves respect. Sometimes, for whatever reason, I forget that I deserve respect simply because I’m alive and I’m here and created to thrive and grow and do great things and, on occasion, start some sort of ruckus. So I allow people to knock me around more than I’d allow them to knock anyone else around, and I take the blows and get back up and endure because I just figure that I deserve it for some sort of reason. Even if I don’t deserve it, it’s persecution or some of those troubles coming around that Jesus warned us about.

Of course, there comes a point when I realize that it has all gotten ridiculously out of hand and that it has been my choice to put up with it for long enough. Sometimes we need to have our eyes open more in the beginning stages of a relationship to prevent this type of behavior from continuing while we’re getting ourselves entangled with a person. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is romantic, professional or simply just a casual friendship, the early throes of the interactions are extremely telling. It’s just SO darn hard to find that balance in the beginning, not knowing whether the person is going through a rough time or if it is in their personality to be disagreeable and demeaning.

But if you don’t stand up for yourself then, it’s eventually going to be too late and it won’t give you an opportunity to actually improve the relationship. Fortunately, although it’s mostly useless to defend yourself so late in the game, it’s still valuable. It serves as a reminder to yourself that you DO matter and you DO deserve to be treated well. Also, even if it doesn’t help your relationship, it may keep that person from treating someone else like dirt further down the line. And maybe not, but at least you won’t have to put up with their crap any longer.

Regardless of how things proceed with this person, I feel better anyway. That’s enough for now.

I’m reading Don Miller’s book To Own a Dragon which is about growing up fatherless. I’m going through it slowly, because it’s a painful topic. It’s weird reading about it from a man’s perspective and not entirely helpful, but I like Don and it is quite interesting to see how this issue has an effect on males.

Of course, it’s making me think more about growing up without a father. I didn’t think that it changed much about my life for quite a while, other than struggling financially. But it changes so much about a person’s life. Although I won’t put all of my problems on my father (or lack thereof), a great deal of the problems regarding my self-esteem, self-worth, cynicism, interacting with males and my overall view of God come from growing up fatherless. At the same time, I realize that God has protected me from being around him. That wouldn’t have been good, either.

My father suddenly called out of nowhere when I was in 10th grade. Then he came to visit for a week. After, he would call for a period of time…then silence. Then he’d call again for a while…then nothing. I haven’t talked to him for a couple of years. But the interactions that I did have with him, however brief, made me realize that I was better off not having him in my life. Although he is intelligent and successful in his career, he is not a good man.

That said, growing up fatherless has motivated me more than anything else could. I can only hope that this whole generation of single mothers will raise sons who know how to take responsibility and daughters who demand for men to grow up and get it together. I refuse to raise my children without a father. I will not be with a man who is irresponsible, lazy or detached. Under no circumstances will I deny my future sons a positive role model or my future daughters a protector. If someone has ended up in this situation, it’s not the end of the world despite all of these difficulties. But if you have the choice?

If you are a woman that was raised fatherless, you have the opportunity AND the responsibility to choose a different path for your children. If you are a woman that was raised by a good father, wait until you find a good man like him. Don’t settle. If you’re raising children by yourself, pray for God to send you a good man- and be wise if you choose to introduce someone into your household. If you’re a man that had no father or a terrible father, you don’t have to be like him. If you had a good father, don’t drop the ball. If you’re a man that has children somewhere and you’re neglecting them, get your crap together and become a positive influence in their lives. They deserve better. Rather than complaining about how hard it is or how much of a failure you are, just do something about it.

Ultimately, let God be your father. He’s the only perfect one you’ll ever have. He will be a good example for you. He won’t let you down. Somehow, He’s going to make it right.

I had a conversation with someone who pointed out that I was being paralyzed by my fears. Basically, I’m so afraid of failing that I stay in my comfort zone and am a complete cliche. Yes. Anyway, so that night I told God that I really didn’t need a sign about what direction I was supposed to go, because I know that He will guide me the right way. I just asked Him to help me out a little.

What followed was a day of God seriously kicking my butt. Most people say that they cannot hear God, yet I find that He has the sublety of a lumbering rhinocerous. First of all, my daily Joyce Meyer TV Video Podcast was about Faith and Fear. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, fear is the dread of things we hope don’t happen. We should act in faith, not in fear. Yes, yes, I know.  She pointed out that many people don’t accomplish half of what God has for them because they’re so afraid of what might happen if they take a risk. That sounds true and profound and an easy thing to understand, but it’s so hard to put it into practice. Anyway, I told God okay, thanks, I get it.

Apparently He didn’t think so. Because in church that night, the speaker talked about why we do the same old things and get the same results. That we aren’t called to mediocrity, and that we don’t want to miss what God has for us because we don’t try anything different. I’m listening halfheartedly, and telling God that He could back off anytime He’d like, and the sooner the better. But He kept working on me until I finally realized that I haven’t really had faith in Him for a while. I’ve had faith in my routine and if that routine is interrupted, I immediately fear that the worst will happen.

So now I’ve been reminded and I know what to do and what attitude to have. It’s time to try my thing and do my part, and leave it up to God to do His. If, you know, I can manage to take even the first step. My feet feel a little rooted to the ground. I might need some more help.

Okay, so on second thought, I’m not asking for more help. Don’t need any more stampeding rhinos around here. I can do this. I have a really good safety net in place. He will catch me.

Men refuse to listen. I swear, sometimes it’s like the whole idea of touching the item that has the “wet paint” sign on it. Just to make sure the paint is wet. Case in point:

We’re at band practice, trying to hastily write out parts for a song that we’re playing next Sunday because we were just notified of this yesterday. I figured out the note that was confusing us all, by ear, which I can usually never do. I was pretty excited. So I announce, proudly, that the elusive note is B flat.

I should be used to this by now, because I’m the only female in the band and of course a horde of men never listen to the lone female- the voice of reason. But I was still a bit incredulous when, following my statement, the man writing the music said, “No it’s not!” and proceeded to try EVERY OTHER NOTE, twice, while playing along with the music….before playing a B flat and then writing it into the music as…..B flat.

I was proud of myself. I didn’t say anything.

I thought it very loudly though.

I’m feeling a bit knackered today, and my motivation is low. So, I’ll blog! Yes. Not much effort required. Now, to think about what to post while my tea is brewing.

I just rubbed my eye, forgetting that I have on makeup. Whoops. Just to forewarn you about my current mental state in case this post doesn’t make much sense. Feel free to leave now, if you like. I won’t be offended.

Okay, so you’re staying. Pressure…

I’ve been thinking about love lately. Not romantic love, but just general love for the people that you know. The people that you don’t really want to say, “I love you,” to because it would sound weird. You might throw out a casual, “Love ya!” as you part with a side-hug or just before you sign offline, but nothing too serious because we’re supposed to keep an appropriate distance from people. The world today is all about not showing emotion but rather keeping everything under wraps because vulnerability is to be loathed.

Fail.

I don’t know how we’ve missed it by such a wide margin. All throughout the Bible we’re told to be loving and to show love and to give and lay ourselves down and sacrifice for others and seriously, EVERYTHING that we are NOT encouraged to do by the world we are commanded by God to do with diligence, passion and reckless abandon. One of the most interesting things that I’ve ever studied in the Bible is the Old English version of Jesus feeding the 5,000. Okay, that sounds totally random. But I had to do it for my History of the English Language class. Anyway, it said that the people that He was teaching there were not only sinful people, they were REALLY BAD PEOPLE. Like, the worst. Old English emphasized by using double negatives, and here it said that these people had no shepherd and uses multiple negatives. These people were lost. REALLY lost. They needed a Savior. They needed Jesus, but they needed more than a sermon. They needed love in action. So Jesus performed one of His most well-known miracles for these people.

But let us who are of the day be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet the hope of salvation. – 1 Thessalonians 5:8

This idea goes completely against our instincts doesn’t it? Oh, I’ll protect my heart by loving people!! Um, no thanks. I’m really in a state of NOT wanting to love anyone right now, but I feel like God is calling me to amp up my, argh, Christian phrase alert: love walk. It is not something I’m really in the mood to do, but He never really cares about that. Sigh. It’s not really a struggle for me to actually love people or be open. The problem is that I know I’m going to be hurt by someone that I love and I always have a really difficult time recovering from that. I shut down and pull up all of my defenses- and love is not a defense.

But maybe it should be. What if, just perhaps, I was just so opened up and loving to people that when I was hurt, it didn’t matter because there was just sort of a pipeline of love flowing and it acted as a balm for my pain? It seems like it could work. The problem is getting to that point, and taking the risk, and being open, and a whole series of things that make it seem like too much trouble. I truly know that it’s the right thing to do, but bugger it all. I don’t want to take any more risks.

(Knackered and bugger it all in one post? Really? Promise I’m a Southern girl, ya’ll. That’s better.)

In a couple weeks, something very unpleasant will happen in my life that I would prefer to avoid. It’s one of those things where you realize that the worst thing you could have imagined, the thing that you dared not fathom for fear it would come true. I went through a time of blaming God and being very upset with Him, knowing that only He could orchestrate this so perfectly, or imperfectly, to hurt me to the maximum degree.

Then I just realized that I need to stop fighting. Every time it appears that God is shaking up my life in a really crazy way, I fight the change as hard as possible because I take comfort in the familiar. I don’t like for things to be uncertain. I want firm footing underneath of me and I want to be able to clearly see that the next several steps that I will take are actually planned out to the utmost detail and that I will be secure.

Lately, I have had to take steps and hope that the ground will come up to meet my feet. And you know what? It always has. Sometimes it fakes me out a bit and there is a dip in the terrain, and that extra couple of inches before I feel the solid ground again are more terrifying than hurtling toward the ground on a rollercoaster. Occasionally I am pleasantly surprised by the ground rising slightly, meeting my foot before I can even begin to feel nervous about what happens. The point is that it never fails.

I’ve seen so many people have a crisis of faith and turn away from God and back to their old habits, sinful lifesstyle, or depression. My faith crisis leads me to distrust, fear, and paralysis. I become so afraid that I will talk to God, but defensively. I’ll lean forward, but refuse to walk. I won’t dream or hope or accept any encouragement because I’m SO certain that life will fail me. I reduce God to a vapor to justify my refusal to put faith in smoke. I reduce life to be meaningless.

I hate life. As far as I can see, what happens on earth is a bad business. It’s smoke—and spitting into the wind. – Ecclesiastes 2:17

These words were written by Solomon as he recounted the futility he found in his pursuits of pleasure. The point that he was making is that there is nothing worthwhile on the Earth, and it is pointless to seek meaning in the things that humans deem so important. The perfect illustration of this is a junkyard. The things lying in there that are decayed or destroyed beyond recognition were things that destroyed lives, marriages, friendships, careers and dreams. People thought that those twist hunks of metal would bring them happiness. Now where are they searching for their pleasure?

I’ve begged God to give me things that I later saw would have destroyed me. When He denied me those things, I would feel so betrayed and unloved that I couldn’t talk to Him because I was certain that He hated me. I’m not sure when it happened, but I eventually got so brokenhearted over it all that I decided that I had no choice but to believe that He loved me and was watching out for me. Because only then could I find some meaning and some hope in life.

He hasn’t failed me yet. He hasn’t changed. Maybe I would have already been past this point if I hadn’t given up so many times before. I’d like to try something different now. Even though I am SO. NOT. EXCITED. about the whole ordeal coming up, I am beyond certain that if I make it through this, it won’t seem so bad. Eventually. And maybe the eventually will be here sooner if I don’t fight it.

A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  Therefore by their fruits you will know them. – Matthew 7:18-20

I started to write this post all riled up by someone who well, gets me riled up. Hank Hanegraaff wrote a book called Christianity in Crisis that was recently re-released as an updated version for the 21st century. In it, he attacks a number of preachers that he believes are affiliated with a recent (in the context of the age of the religion) movement in Christianity called “Word of Faith.” Now, I’m not here to debate the intricacies of the WoF movement because…ugh. Makes my head spin.

I will readily admit that the overall Pentecostal/Charismatic/WoF/whateverit’scalledthesedays sector of Christianity can get dicey. There are all sorts of scandals and sketchy characters involved. In these circles it is so easy to over-spiritualize everything that happens and people get easily tripped up by Satan. Pride runs rampant because people think that they are “closer to God” for whatever reason and then they begin pointing fingers at other denominations because they are apparently slacking. It’s not pretty.

Hank calls this movement a cult, but it’s SO ironic to me that he does the exact same thing that a cult does. First off, this is a huge movement- too huge to be called a cult. Snake handling churches? RUN AWAY! But…what do cults do? They take a part of a text or larger belief and blow it out of proportion. Jesus said that believers would be impervious to snakebites or the effects of poison- as a part of persecution. He did not say, “Handle snakes for teh lulz.” He DID say not to test God. However, the point here is that one verse of scripture is interpreted out of context and with complete disregard for the rest of the Bible.

When Hank does his research (term used loosely here), he takes comments that preachers make out of context and completely disregards the rest of what they say and, most importantly, what they do. This is ultimately what caught my attention and made me not be so upset about what Hank is doing. As followers of Christ, our ultimate ministry is to love others to show them the love of Christ and to be a witness for Him. He is love! That’s what we’re supposed to show. Hank is not pushing people toward Christ- he is pushing them AWAY from Christ. His deceitful words and biased arguments are rooted in bitterness and, I would argue, fear. Because what if we ARE supposed to enjoy a blessed life and what if God really did want us to believe that we would receive what we’re praying for? He’d be missing out.

A few ministries that have helped me are the ones that I’ll mention here. Again, I don’t want to get in depth with everything, because the intricacies aren’t the point. The point is stated in the verses that I posted above. If the “rightness” or “wrongness” of what is being discussed is hard to discern just by looking at the topics, God said to look at the evidence of what that person’s actions are birthing- their fruit. Joyce Meyer’s ministry has reached thousands of people both locally and through missions work. She is practical and teaches from her experiences and hardships and has not just waited around for God to hand out blessings. She works hard and with dedication because her calling is important to her. Her ministry has helped so many people get through emotional issues (raises hand) and depression (raises other hand) when they thought that no one understood or cared or that there was no way out (waves frantically). Not only that, she is helping so many people in poverty stricken places in other countries where people don’t even have food or water. Ken Copeland has a huge prison ministry where they offer resources to inmates to help them spiritually. Jesse Duplantis’s current vision is to share the gospel with one billion people. 1,000,000,000 people. So that they can know what Jesus Christ did for them and how much He loves them and what kind of glorious life they can live, both here on Earth and in heaven. None of them get everything right, and I don’t hang onto their every word or approve of or agree with all of their methods. I don’t put faith in man. But their fruit? Countless people who have found Christ and have their names written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.

Satan hates that.

Apparently, so does Hank.

So Hank goes around attempting to destroy the reputations of people who are bringing the gospel of Jesus to those who are hurting and in need. He is pulling people away from the love of Christ. In my opinion, that makes for some pretty rotten fruit. Fruit that I don’t want to touch. But Hank can keep going, because their ministries are still growing- probably thanks to his words. God likes to bless people when they’re persecuted.

Hank isn’t perfect. Joyce, Jesse, Ken, Noah, Moses, Peter, Paul, and Mary aren’t and weren’t perfect. Only Jesus Christ is perfect. But as long as we point to Him and His love, glory, and power…we’re covered. And fruitful.

Tags: controversy, fail

One life can have many different appearances depending on the way it is viewed. The Noticer by Andy Andrews approaches life with the perception that it is a gift  and that the negative things that happen to us are opportunities rather than crises. But rather than offering up the usual trifling comments, Andrews presents them in a heartfelt and poignant way that causes the words to have a lasting effect.

When a book touches me, it reaches down into the areas of my heart that have been hurt, but ignored for so long that they’ve nearly been forgotten. This book found those areas, the dark places that are completely hopeless, the black holes where any positivity is completely overshadowed. This isn’t written as a self-help book or instruction manual. It is a conversation, where you are allowed to connect and interact with the people in it. I felt a kinship with the characters because I knew their pain. Their suffering was not manufactured or trite, and I could appreciate their circumstances and relate to each person in some way.

I’m left touched by this book in a way that I cannot truly explain, but I do know that my first reading of it will not be my last. It is not a weighty tome, and I wish it was a longer work simply because I wanted to spend more time with it- and because the price is a bit steep for such a short work. The small size of the book and the too-simple (boring) cover are both quite misleading, however. It’s an enjoyable read and packed with wisdom for readers at any stage of life. Absolutely recommended!

Thanks to Thomas Nelson’s Book Review Bloggers program for allowing me to review this book!

http://www.brb.thomasnelson.com

Tags: book review

This post will make some of my closest friends, favorite authors and the literary community in general disown me and attempt to revoke my newly acquired degree in English. (Dude, I haven’t even gotten the diploma yet. Am I on a probation of sorts?) Oh, well.

I think Jane Austen is supremely boring.

Cue WV having an earthquake.

I just can’t seem to get into those books. “But, her heroines are so far ahead of their time! They are downright sassy. She was a force to be reckoned with in her day,” you say with indignation. Yes, I hear you. The problem is, IN HER DAY. I cannot seem to place myself in that setting in such a way as to appreciate the significance of wearing one less petticoat than is considered proper. Which is weird, considering that I loved reading the American Girl books and  my copies of all of the books in Little House on the Prairie are worn to shreds. I can get back in time pretty easily.

Maybe I’m too American?

ANYWAY. It seems to me that, for the most part, people who are interested in the past become obsessed with it and try to immerse themselves there. I am so confused when people say that they were born in the wrong era or that they would have been “cool” during some other time. Maybe you would prefer to be there now, but guess what? You’re not. For whatever reason, you’re alive in 2009 and God obviously knows what He is doing. He didn’t want you born back then. He wants you now.  At the time, maybe Jane Austen’s heroes and heroines were fresh and a bit of a sensation. Compared to now? They’re antiquated.

The church needs to grasp this concept. If Christians acted more relevant to society today, we’d probably reach more people. We say that “God makes all things ~new!!~” when it sounds good, and that the anointed words of the Bible apply timelessly (which, they do) and a host of other things to make Christianity sound like a good way to go. Some churches adopt advanced technology and pretty lights while others scorn them for selling out and they will KEEP their hardback hymnals and uncomfortable wooden pews that Grandpa Jack built with his ~OWN TWO HANDS~ IN 1937, thank you very much. But overall, none of this is really relevant because if we don’t have some fired up people in the church, it doesn’t matter if the chairs are cushioned or the pews are not. If your butt falls asleep but your mind and spirit are engaged, the physical pain isn’t as difficult to bear.

I’m not saying you can’t enjoy Jane Austen. Hopefully, one day, I’ll acquire some taste and glean something from her words and talent. She DID achieve a huge measure of literary success, and I’d sure like to experience that. But honestly, it’s not even the point. I’m not saying that your church should split the pews up for kindling and get some comfy chairs. That might help, but it’s not even the point.

The point is? Be relevant and meet people where they are. Don’t get stuck in the past, because you’ll have a hard time waking up and becoming aware of God’s current purpose and plan for your life.

Also, don’t wear petticoats with holes. It isn’t seemly.

Tags: Cheeky, Jane Austen