Every November, people start putting something they’re thankful for every day in their facebook statuses. It drives me totally insane because it doesn’t feel very sincere. And really, do we need to know how thankful you are for your house slippers at the end of the month because you’ve already used up all the good ones? No, we do not.
I was struck, though, when I saw a blog post from someone that I don’t know well, but who I spent enough time around to know that she is a very sincere person. I know she’s had to make some tough choices in the past couple of years, and I don’t think that I would have done half as well as she has and I wouldn’t have liked the results at all. Yet she finds so many things about her life that she loves and she’s excited about.
I haven’t had an easy life, and I’ve always worried about money. I haven’t realized until lately just how much that wears on a person. It’s exhausting and it keeps you from being truly thankful for what you have. It’s always felt like I praise God in spite of the way my life is rather than for who He is. As if I’m fighting against every dark force to have faith rather than having my faith bolstered by love and belief in Him. It’s always a struggle.
I know that life isn’t supposed to be easy, but is it always supposed to be so difficult?
How do I become just flat out thankful, with no reservations or doubts tickling the back of my mind?
The easiest thing to be thankful about is my family. I have an absolutely wonderful family. We not only love each other, we actually like one another, which is seemingly becoming a rare phenomenon from what I read on twitter. We had an awesome Thanksgiving, and it felt like everything came together perfectly and it struck me several times how blessed I am to have all of them. I feel so loved and safe around them and excited to see them, every time, without fail. The best part of law school was coming home to them, and it feels like such a gift to be back home with my family now.
If everything were as easy to give thanks for as my family, I’d be the most annoying person on facebook.
It’s awful to struggle with being thankful. I don’t want to be like this. I ordered my wedding dress today, and I am blown away by the generosity and blessings that allowed me to get the dress I want and pay for over half of it without any money coming out of our planned wedding budget. It’s like God orchestrated it all to remind me that He can provide and make things be awesome. And yet I got all worked up tonight about where we’re going to live and how we’re going to ever afford a house with my mountain of student loan debt (which would buy a pretty nice house in my area).
I want to be thankful and leave it at that. I’m tired of my worries overshadowing my praise.
It’s funny that Michael 6:25 in the ESV starts out very plainly, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life…”
If I managed to not be anxious about my life, I could actually do something great with it.