Our wedding is in two and a half weeks. I can’t believe it’s so soon, and yet I feel like I’ve been waiting for ages.
There isn’t a whole lot left to do. Had a meeting with my caterer last week, and all I need to do is give her a final count. Getting all of the RSVPs in was difficult. I had to contact most people to follow up and see if they were coming – which has taught me a huge lesson on how to be a guest. Fortunately, we either got answers from most or knew they wouldn’t be able to travel anyway.
The seating chart was actually nerdy fun. It was like a logic puzzle, and I love those. It was pretty easy to do, except for a couple who has offended a shocking amount of people who are going to be there. Don’t be like that, just don’t.
A wedding is full of little things. So many tiny details that go into one giant event in your life. The little things cause stress and grief and really won’t matter in the end, but seem so huge going into it. One of my bridesmaids continuously reminds me that the little things aren’t important enough to ruin my wedding day, so I shouldn’t let them. That’s helped more than she could have known. Not just about the wedding, but life in general.
I notice little things. I get overly upset about little things and overly pleased by them. I get ridiculously frustrated when Ernie forgets something we talked about two hours ago. If I screw up a simple task, I feel way worse about it than I really should.
Then there are the beautiful things. There’s a bush outside our new house that had these ugly sticks coming out of it. I had no idea what kind it was and I was looking forward to getting rid of it until someone visited and said that it was a hydrangea. I wanted to prune it because it’s encroaching on the sidewalk and the dead parts are really ugly, but then websites said there are many different types of hydrangeas, and they need to be pruned at different times, and I really needed to wait until it bloomed to see which type it was. I figured I’d have to wait until next year to see.
Until suddenly, I walked by one day and there was a bloom right beside the front porch. Day after day, it grew larger and a bolder shade of blue. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone outside and peered at it up close. We have some other buds on there that are about to open, and I can’t wait to see them.
We painted the hallways in the house a pleasing gray color. It was a yucky brown that kind of grossed me out. I find myself smiling in the hallway a lot. I also take pride in the fact that I did a lot of the edge work and it looks really good.
We bought our bedding since we needed it and I didn’t think anyone was going to spend that much to buy a gift off of our registry. When the bed is made up with all of the shams and the decorative pillows, it looks super comfy and pretty.
A cup of tea that was brewed for the perfect amount of time and sweetened exactly as it should be. My favorite episode of a show up next on Netflix, a text from someone I haven’t heard from in way too long, an opportunity to wear heels that make me feel powerful. Small good things that make me forget the stress of the big bad things.
There are so many giant stressful things in my life, lack of job and outrageous student loans the greatest of them. Those things have weighed me down so much that for a while, I couldn’t even be happy over big things. Somehow, the small things have taken over and become important things. Previously, I would have ridiculed myself over getting so excited about a hydrangea or pillows. Now I don’t even care how stupid it sounds.
The other day, we were in Starbucks and Ernie was talking to friends a few feet away from me. He caught my eye and winked at me. It’s totally ridiculous how happy and loved that made me feel. It reminded me that relationships are made up of so many little moments that make the greatest memories and lead to developing and sustaining love, security, and trust. I can either let those little things hurt or heal. Going into our marriage, I want to let the bad ones go and allow myself to be excited over the good ones.
Happiness has been so fleeting my whole life because something usually comes along to snatch it away. Maybe the key is finding joy wherever I can and letting that sustain me through the tough times. There will always be annoyances and frustrations, but there will also be afternoon naps during thunderstorms, soft blankets and a crackling fire on a cold winter evening, and unexpected good hair days to balance them out.